An enlarged uterus can be a symptom of a molar pregnancy, in which (and I'm paraphrasing pretty grossly here) a nonviable embryo implants and grows much like a tumor. How do I know this? At our first doctor's appointment, the midwife informed my wife Kate that, although Kate was sure that she was at 6 weeks, the size of her uterus was more inline with the 8th to the 10th week of pregnancy. The midwife didn't sound particularly concerned about this, but she ordered a first trimester ultrasound to check thing out more definitively.
Scientist that she is, Kate hit the Google to find out all the different reasons why her uterus might be enlarged. Molar pregnancy was the scariest: hence, it became the one she latched on to. Not even my best Ahnold impersonation ("It's not a tumor!") could set her mind at ease. For the four days between the doctor's appointment and the ultrasound, it was a virtual certainty that we were having a molar pregnancy.
Fortunately, the ultrasound turned out to be normal: obviously, a tremendous relief. But it sort of drove home to me the potential double-edged sword that Google represents. I think it's great for patients to be able to access information that will help them be more active, informed participants in their care. On the other hand, Kate's not a doctor and neither am I. The fact that molar pregnancies exist does not mean that it's a useful thing for us to be expending our emotional energy on (that energy is stretched pretty thin as it is right now). The midwife hadn't mentioned it.
My concern is that we're gonna go from worrying about one obscure pregnancy complication to the next. Google "pregnancy complications" and you'll come up with almost 2 million hits, and I can't keep up with 10,000 concerns a day!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Fatigue and honey
I'm becoming more and more convinced that the single factor that defines the sum of human achievement is not intelligence, it's not talent, nor is it vision or determination. It's not even money, as I think I would have bet just a short while ago.
It is tiredness.
I get home from work wanting nothing more than to sit on the couch and do whatever is the most passive thing I can engage in with whatever's in reach from my inert pose. I want something that can only be called an "activity" in the very loosest sense of the word.
I have lofty goals and dreams. Often, I make concrete plans about how to make those dreams happen. They often sound like this: "Man, just an hour a day. If I can get my ass in gear for just an hour a day, I'll have that novel / budget / blog post / cooking class finished before I know it." Then I get to work in the morning, hook up my soul siphon for ten hours, and get home so ridiculously drained that two hours of "Biggest Loser: Couples" somehow sounds like a good idea.
And here's what worries me ... the baby's not even here yet!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Be Prepared
So far, I'd have to say the best book I've come across is Be Prepared by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden. This is a real no-nonsense book, full of practical suggestions and light on the touchy-feely. Sexist as this may sound, this is a man's man's book.
The Amazon review tell it like it is, with (at time of writing) 65 5-star reviews. It's smart, funny, to-the-point, and loaded with information that ranges from practical tips on diaper changes to the lighthearted baby party-tricks (who knew you could make a newborn splay his arms and legs by simulating falling? ... other than people who are already "prepared", that is).
I think it's a book that will appeal to alot of guys for the simple reason that it doesn't talk down to them. Men so often think in terms of problems and solutions, and this book lets them: there's stuff you don't know, but you're going to need to know it soon, so here it is. I can't recommend it highly enough.
The Amazon review tell it like it is, with (at time of writing) 65 5-star reviews. It's smart, funny, to-the-point, and loaded with information that ranges from practical tips on diaper changes to the lighthearted baby party-tricks (who knew you could make a newborn splay his arms and legs by simulating falling? ... other than people who are already "prepared", that is).
I think it's a book that will appeal to alot of guys for the simple reason that it doesn't talk down to them. Men so often think in terms of problems and solutions, and this book lets them: there's stuff you don't know, but you're going to need to know it soon, so here it is. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Generation X Dads on The Current
The Current, a current affairs show that airs weekdays on CBC, did an interesting feature on Generation X dads. The first part described a flip-side story to my post yesterday on the pressure Kate's getting about her maternity leave. In Canada, parents are entitled to a year of paid (by the government) parental leave. This can be portioned out as they want: the mom home for the first six months, the dad for the second six months, one parent can use all the leave, both could be home for the first six months. Apparently, however, employers aren't being particularly supportive of fathers who want to partake of this leave, and they interviewed a guy who is in court right now because, after six months of paternity leave, he was fired for "performance issues" the day he got back. So the pressures certainly apply to both sides of the parental equation.
Afterwards, they had a round table discussion between two men and a woman, Andrea O'Reilly of York University. I thought it was fascinating (and you can listen here). Alot of positive things were said, for instance about how data shows that both men and women are spending more time with their children these days. I think I was most interested in O'Reilly's views, which sounded largely negative.
She said some stuff that I agreed with wholeheartedly. Specifically, I thought she made a great point about how all parenting is not equal: driving a kid to a hockey game and planning the kid's schedule for the week do not require the same mental energy or level of involvement in the child's life. I completely agree with that.
But I thought it was interesting that she carefully avoided using the word "parenting" to describe the activity of raising a child, referring to it instead as "mothering". She actually said something like "If men start mothering their children, ...." I found this fascinating, because it seemed like she was setting up a gold standard of child care that amounts to a contradiction in terms. Bottom line? Men will never meet that standard no matter how involved they are in their children's lives. Now, it may be that she's just defining "mothering" to mean "the highest standard of child care", but isn't that sexist? I can't imagine that there wouldn't be an objection if someone suggested that women do more "fathering".
I guess my point is that she seemed to be completely neglecting the possibility that men and women could have different, but equally high, standards of care for their children. I'm talking in the ideal here. I'm not so naive as to think that the current landscape is completely equal. I can't help but think that a dedicated single father can be an excellent parent on his own terms even if he can never meet O'Reilly's standard of "mothering" his children.
Afterwards, they had a round table discussion between two men and a woman, Andrea O'Reilly of York University. I thought it was fascinating (and you can listen here). Alot of positive things were said, for instance about how data shows that both men and women are spending more time with their children these days. I think I was most interested in O'Reilly's views, which sounded largely negative.
She said some stuff that I agreed with wholeheartedly. Specifically, I thought she made a great point about how all parenting is not equal: driving a kid to a hockey game and planning the kid's schedule for the week do not require the same mental energy or level of involvement in the child's life. I completely agree with that.
But I thought it was interesting that she carefully avoided using the word "parenting" to describe the activity of raising a child, referring to it instead as "mothering". She actually said something like "If men start mothering their children, ...." I found this fascinating, because it seemed like she was setting up a gold standard of child care that amounts to a contradiction in terms. Bottom line? Men will never meet that standard no matter how involved they are in their children's lives. Now, it may be that she's just defining "mothering" to mean "the highest standard of child care", but isn't that sexist? I can't imagine that there wouldn't be an objection if someone suggested that women do more "fathering".
I guess my point is that she seemed to be completely neglecting the possibility that men and women could have different, but equally high, standards of care for their children. I'm talking in the ideal here. I'm not so naive as to think that the current landscape is completely equal. I can't help but think that a dedicated single father can be an excellent parent on his own terms even if he can never meet O'Reilly's standard of "mothering" his children.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Photography BabyHack: Use Continuous Shooting Mode to Guarantee Open Eyes
I just remembered something I heard a couple of years ago on Science Friday, one of the best shows (and podcasts!) on the radio for my money. It talked about one of the 2006 winners of the Ig Nobel Awards, which "honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think. The prizes are intended to celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative -- and spur people's interest in science, medicine, and technology."
Among the 2006 winners was a team from Australia's CSIRO who calculated how many photos you need to take of a group of people in order to be sure to get one where nobody's got their eyes closed. Their rule-of-thumb conclusion: "for groups of less than 20: divide the number of people by three if there's good light and two if the light's bad."
The good news is that modern digital cameras (1) can take multiple shots for no extra cost, and (2) can usually take several shots very fast. So if you're shooting your kids in a group, just take a few extras. If your camera offers continuous shooting mode, all you'll have to do is keep the button pressed for extra exposures.
Among the 2006 winners was a team from Australia's CSIRO who calculated how many photos you need to take of a group of people in order to be sure to get one where nobody's got their eyes closed. Their rule-of-thumb conclusion: "for groups of less than 20: divide the number of people by three if there's good light and two if the light's bad."
The good news is that modern digital cameras (1) can take multiple shots for no extra cost, and (2) can usually take several shots very fast. So if you're shooting your kids in a group, just take a few extras. If your camera offers continuous shooting mode, all you'll have to do is keep the button pressed for extra exposures.
Link o' the day
I'm really enjoying the parenting lifehacks over at ParentHacks. Fun and informative.
Maternity in the old boys' network
So angry! Kate is also an academic; indeed, also a reluctant one at that. In that sense, we're an ideal match.
In the department where she is a faculty member, there has never been a pregnant woman. It's the ultimate old boys' (and childless career women, a perfectly valid choice that I don't mean to criticize) network. As a result, they have never had to define a maternity leave policy. Her colleagues seem to be guilt-tripping her about taking maternity leave. She feels very pressured to accept teaching obligations, take a minimal amount of leave, and generally make herself available to students and staff during the time when she expects to be away (coincidentally, the due date falls in the middle of the university semester).
I find this so frustrating. The point of reference that I use as a comparison is, what if we were talking about a 6-month absence of one of the tenured greyhairs who was up for a sabbatical? If I had a farm, I'd bet it that there would not be a word about such an absence, the required redistribution of teaching duties among the other faculty, or the expectation on the absent faculty member to make him- or herself available to grad students.
It's an absolutely absurd double standard, and I feel terrible for Kate, because she really feels like her colleagues don't want her to succeed if she isn't 100% career-focused.
I called my employer's ombudsperson to ask how our university handled these cases. We'll see if anything constructive comes of that.
In the department where she is a faculty member, there has never been a pregnant woman. It's the ultimate old boys' (and childless career women, a perfectly valid choice that I don't mean to criticize) network. As a result, they have never had to define a maternity leave policy. Her colleagues seem to be guilt-tripping her about taking maternity leave. She feels very pressured to accept teaching obligations, take a minimal amount of leave, and generally make herself available to students and staff during the time when she expects to be away (coincidentally, the due date falls in the middle of the university semester).
I find this so frustrating. The point of reference that I use as a comparison is, what if we were talking about a 6-month absence of one of the tenured greyhairs who was up for a sabbatical? If I had a farm, I'd bet it that there would not be a word about such an absence, the required redistribution of teaching duties among the other faculty, or the expectation on the absent faculty member to make him- or herself available to grad students.
It's an absolutely absurd double standard, and I feel terrible for Kate, because she really feels like her colleagues don't want her to succeed if she isn't 100% career-focused.
I called my employer's ombudsperson to ask how our university handled these cases. We'll see if anything constructive comes of that.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Effects on anxiety
Related to that last post, a few thoughts on anxiety.
I have trichotillomania (or "trich"), an anxiety disorder that manifests itself as the compulsive pulling out of hair, sometimes to the point of bald patches. I developed it when my mother died, and I've been pulling out the hairs in my beard ever since. For me, I pull in two specific spots on either side of my chin ... if you see me at a time when I'm under alot of stress or feeling particularly anxious, you might think I have headlights, because I have these two bald spots in an otherwise dark beard.
I'm curious to see how my wife's pregnancy will affect my anxiety and my trich. Perhaps with this new sense of responsibility and purpose, I'll feel less anxious. On the other hand, perhaps the freaked-outedness of impending fatherhood will have me picking at my beard so hard that my current, rather small, beard headlights will be replaced with a set of massive SUV-worthy halogens. I'll have to keep track of this.
I have trichotillomania (or "trich"), an anxiety disorder that manifests itself as the compulsive pulling out of hair, sometimes to the point of bald patches. I developed it when my mother died, and I've been pulling out the hairs in my beard ever since. For me, I pull in two specific spots on either side of my chin ... if you see me at a time when I'm under alot of stress or feeling particularly anxious, you might think I have headlights, because I have these two bald spots in an otherwise dark beard.
I'm curious to see how my wife's pregnancy will affect my anxiety and my trich. Perhaps with this new sense of responsibility and purpose, I'll feel less anxious. On the other hand, perhaps the freaked-outedness of impending fatherhood will have me picking at my beard so hard that my current, rather small, beard headlights will be replaced with a set of massive SUV-worthy halogens. I'll have to keep track of this.
Newfound sense of responsibility
A couple of years ago, I became a godfather. When I met my goddaughter for the first time, it was a fascinating experience. I like babies, but I'd never been a huge baby person, I'd say. But this was the first time that I felt a real sense of responsibility for a baby, and it felt pretty good.
That's been one of the more immediate emotional results of learning that my wife is pregnant (8 days ago today ... welcome to week 2). I feel like my actions aren't just for me anymore; I've got real responsibility. For example, I'm terrible with money. I'm fortunate enough to have no debt, but we live basically paycheck to paycheck. For months, I've been meaning to really put our financial books in order, but money scares me, and I have no real interest in it, so I've just been putting it off. But since we learned that Kate's expecting, it's as though a switch in my head flipped, and I'm thinking "This is where the rubber hits the road. We can't afford to be carefree kids anymore." I've been trying to be proactive in facing the things that freak me out, like the finances. I subscribed to Quicken Online and spent time making a real budget and getting stuff in order.
The sense of responsibility feels kinda good, even though it's scary. I think I have a tendency to avoid problems that make me anxious, but I feel as though this news has prompted me to grow a pair.
That's been one of the more immediate emotional results of learning that my wife is pregnant (8 days ago today ... welcome to week 2). I feel like my actions aren't just for me anymore; I've got real responsibility. For example, I'm terrible with money. I'm fortunate enough to have no debt, but we live basically paycheck to paycheck. For months, I've been meaning to really put our financial books in order, but money scares me, and I have no real interest in it, so I've just been putting it off. But since we learned that Kate's expecting, it's as though a switch in my head flipped, and I'm thinking "This is where the rubber hits the road. We can't afford to be carefree kids anymore." I've been trying to be proactive in facing the things that freak me out, like the finances. I subscribed to Quicken Online and spent time making a real budget and getting stuff in order.
The sense of responsibility feels kinda good, even though it's scary. I think I have a tendency to avoid problems that make me anxious, but I feel as though this news has prompted me to grow a pair.
Sleepless in training
Ugh ... so tired today. Kate and I have two very finky cats who have taken it upon themselves to train us for life with an infant, so the fatter one has started crying for food in the middle of the night. He's got lungs, let me tell you.
Monday, February 18, 2008
One hates to play the sexism card...
Y'know, I hate to play the sexism card, but I can't help but wonder if it would be PC to publish a book, The Everything Mothers-To-Be Book, that had similar passages. Can you imagine?
"If you attend a stitch-and-bitch, bring along a chilled sixer of white-wine spritzer and enough knitting patterns for everyone to start something for your little miracle! Showing that cute baby blanket you've been working on can be a great way to tell your friends. Bring a little prize for whoever clues in first!"
Man, I'm feeling cynical tonight, but seriously, I can't imagine that kinda stuff would fly. But it's perfectly ok to assume a certain level of moronity (that's a word) when it comes to the male reader in this field. And maybe that's fair. But geez are these books annoying sometimes.
First impressions of the Nelson book
Is it just me, or is it fair game in popular culture to assume that men are complete idiots? It's this patronizing tone---as though the authors had to remind the whole nation of us Al Bundy types that we can't keep watching sports and swilling beer during our wives' deliveries---that drives me crazy.
Kevin Nelson's The Everything Father-To-Be Book has a three-star average rating on Amazon, which I seem to recall was one of the reasons I opted for a couple of other books instead (what can I say? I love reading the ratings). My mother-in-law bought it for me as a very thoughtful gift, however, and I cracked it open tonight. Let me share with you some of Mr. Nelson's insights on telling people the happy news.
Ooh! There's more. Let's listen in:
Kevin Nelson's The Everything Father-To-Be Book has a three-star average rating on Amazon, which I seem to recall was one of the reasons I opted for a couple of other books instead (what can I say? I love reading the ratings). My mother-in-law bought it for me as a very thoughtful gift, however, and I cracked it open tonight. Let me share with you some of Mr. Nelson's insights on telling people the happy news.
"If your parents live close by, it might be a nice gesture to pay them a visit to reveal the news in person. If not, a phone call can do the trick. One of the advantages of email is that you can tell a whole bunch of people all at one, if you wish. [...] email can save you loads of time if you're too busy with the excitement of pregnancy to write or call each person individually."At this time, I'd like to thank Captain Obvious for his thorough overview into the nuances of modern communication media. Call me a snob for making fun of this, but I just don't feel like whether I should tell my parents in person or over the phone is really what I'm struggling with at this point. And I'm under no illusions: I'm reading this book because I fully believe that there are several books' worth of stuff I'd like to know about fatherhood and my wife's pregnancy. I just don't feel like this is that kind of stuff, let alone so important that I need it in chapter 2. Couldn't there have been an appendix about how, if you live close, you can drive to your folks' place to tell them?
Ooh! There's more. Let's listen in:
"If you have a regular group of guys you play poker with or hang with, tell them in person. Expect some good-natured ribbing about how you are going to be knee-deep in diapers and one of the walking wounded from lack of sleep and all that. This might be a good time to spring for a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label and a box of Macanudo cigars and experience some old-fashioned male bonding."Ok, got that, fellow Nascar-dads-to-be? After we've told our parents, who we should drive to if they're in driving distance (and conversely, not drive to if they're not in driving distance), we should head over to our best bud's place. Yeah, no, not that one, the guy who was your wingman when you first hit on your wife. That's right, that one. Bring a bottle of the good (blended) stuff and prepare to take it on the chin. We're all Al Bundies in here.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Comfort in normalcy
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are down to visit this weekend, and both are absolutely thrilled. They went out to Babies-R-Us and brought me home a gift, Kevin Nelson's The Everything Father-To-Be Book (which I'll review once I've read it).
It'll all be good.
X's baby is....
Here's a fun variant on an old meme: type "X's baby is" into a search engine, where X is your own name. I just tried "Kate", the pseudonym I'll be using for my wife on this blog. Here are some of the most entertaining results:
- When Kate's baby is born, ALF dolefully decides to move far, far away...
- One Kate's baby is discovered, the plot line slows to a crawl...
- Kate's baby is Aaron, Claire's baby (ooh! racy!)
- Has Tom Cruise ever actually said that Kate's baby is HIS?
What "is" your baby?
The Baby Bucket List
I've been trying to think about constructive ways to get over my "baby anxiety". I think (more on this later) that most of what worries me is how all-consuming it's gonna be...not only to have a child, but also all the planning to come over the next 9 months.
Today I came up with the idea of a baby bucket list. I suggested to my wife that we each make a list of 5 or so things that we want to do, but that we think we won't be able to once we're in the family way. One of hers was to go to Disney World, which we actually did last weekend. I didn't realize at the time that she was crossing items off her baby bucket list (I thought she needed a break from work stress), but apparently she was already thinking ahead.
My baby bucket list:
- See a Broadway play
- Publish a short story (a novel would be better but let's stay realistic here)
- Reduce the clutter in our house
- Post-process and print some of my photographs to hang on our walls
- Learn how the hell to raise an infant
What would you want to do before parenthood?
Pro-Baby
I'm thinking that this blog may collapse under its own weight. These are difficult topics to talk or write about without feeling a little bit guilty. I don't want it to sound like I'm anti-baby or anything, or that I in any way resent the kid as some intrusion on my life. That's not it at all. Nor do I want it to sound like I want to deprive my wife Kate of anything short of the full, wonderful experience of her pregnancy. I would never want to do that. And yet the truth is that al my feeling about this aren't positive. Those base instincts towards fear, selfishness, and ... let's face it ... laziness rear their heads once in a while, and I feel that I sort of need an outlet to talk about those.
We'll see how things go.
Nightmares
Maybe this should have been my clue that I'm feeling alot of fear about this, but the night before last I had two nightmares. I haven't been sleeping particularly well generally, because, seriously, I should really be stockpiling on sleep for the next 9 months.
- In the first nightmare, I was on a ship. I think I was on a cruise or something. The ship was scheduled to have a lifeboat loading drill that night, but it was a dark and stormy night (dun-dun-dunnnnn) and the ship had a near-miss (what we missed, I'm not sure). After the captain had righted the ship, they decided to proceed with the drill. We all piled onto the top deck, with the rain pounding down on us and the ship lurching from side to side as it was buffeted by high waves. I remember thinking that this was a decidedly dangerous time to be running safety drills, but the captain must know best. All of a sudden, the ship began to tilt, nose first, into the sea. I've never actually seen the movie Titanic, but the visual of this dream was almost certainly influenced by that scene of people falling into the water as the ship becomes almost vertical. And then, like those people, I lost my grip and fell into the sea.
- In the second dream, a kid I didn't know was asking me for help with his English homework. Specifically, I think he asked me the Seinfeldian question "What's the deal with poetry." I think my lecture on poetry went on for quite a while, but what I remember is that I started telling him about meter. I was telling him about Shakespeare's use of iambic pentameter, and I remember giving him the example "Oh WHAT a ROGUE and peas-ANT slave AM i." I really have no idea what this dream what about ... maybe homework help anxiety 10 years early?
Wow ... didn't see this coming
I just told my dad on the phone. He was thrilled. We were perhaps a little worried that he would be freaked out. I'm sure he wishes that we lived closer, especially when there are big events like this.
I broke down, though! I was surprised, but I started crying. Just talking to my dad made me realize that I am so damn scared. I think I managed to keep it together enough that my dad just thought I probably just had the sniffles (which I actually do), but I was amazed at myself. I don't know if something subconscious thought "Dad = person who protects me from scary stuff", but the waterworks just started like they haven't since I learned, and I just felt overcome with fear.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Gear Log
The expectant father enjoys the anticipation of a bunch of new gear. The baby-industrial complex is encouraging this, of course, and I'm sure I'll gripe about it extensively in future posts. There is a ton of stuff aimed at the hip dad.
But for my money, gear-wise, there's no better time to justify to yourself and your partner that it's time to invest in that new camera you've had your eye on. Come on, treat yourself: it's not for you, it's so that the family can document your little miracle! And why wait until the baby is born? As Hillary Clinton might say: honey, don't you want a photographer who's ready on day one? That's the only reason I want to get that Nikon D300!
Mmmm ... D300 ....
- Modern strollers are obviously designed with dad in mind (some by Jeep, even), and it's just a matter of time before some enterprising executive gets the idea of introducing stroller model years. You heard it here first, people, before long you're gonna hear yuppie dads in Starbucks exclaim "Ooh! The '09 Bugaboos are out. I gotta get me to a dealership!"
- Don't leave home without your badass diaper bag (here's my fave), because really, what says "I'm still cool even though I drive a minivan!" quite like a skull and crossbones messenger bag full of fresh poopcatchers.
- What proud papa wouldn't want to gird his kid's loins with his favourite team logo?
But for my money, gear-wise, there's no better time to justify to yourself and your partner that it's time to invest in that new camera you've had your eye on. Come on, treat yourself: it's not for you, it's so that the family can document your little miracle! And why wait until the baby is born? As Hillary Clinton might say: honey, don't you want a photographer who's ready on day one? That's the only reason I want to get that Nikon D300!
Mmmm ... D300 ....
Overnight
My therapist (whole other story), said something interesting. He said that in his experience, women become mothers over the course of nine months, whereas men become fathers overnight.
He explained to me that what he meant was that, for women, their pregnancy often remains abstract, almost surreal, until certain milestones come, such as the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat. For men, things can also stay kinda surreal, but they start experiencing most of the stress and anxiety of fatherhood almost as soon as they learn that they're gonna be dads.
I can certainly relate to that. Kate is still taking pregnancy tests every day (those suckers ain't cheap!), unable to believe it every time one comes up positive. Which they all have. Me, though, it's like I've moved on. I'm already thinking "Holy crap! I don't know anything about caring for a kid. Am I going to be a good father? Am I going to be able to survive months of sleeplessness? Am I going to be able to raise a child without completely screwing it up? Am I going to be able to pay for a child without declaring bankruptcy?"
Yeah, I think that therapist may be on to something. That's why they pay him the big bucks.
He explained to me that what he meant was that, for women, their pregnancy often remains abstract, almost surreal, until certain milestones come, such as the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat. For men, things can also stay kinda surreal, but they start experiencing most of the stress and anxiety of fatherhood almost as soon as they learn that they're gonna be dads.
I can certainly relate to that. Kate is still taking pregnancy tests every day (those suckers ain't cheap!), unable to believe it every time one comes up positive. Which they all have. Me, though, it's like I've moved on. I'm already thinking "Holy crap! I don't know anything about caring for a kid. Am I going to be a good father? Am I going to be able to survive months of sleeplessness? Am I going to be able to raise a child without completely screwing it up? Am I going to be able to pay for a child without declaring bankruptcy?"
Yeah, I think that therapist may be on to something. That's why they pay him the big bucks.
Armin Brott has a web site
I just googled Armin Brott and found that he has a website (quel surprise). For more information about his books, which I can highly recommend, check out his web site http://www.mrdad.com/
T-minus 9 months
This week, I learned that my wife is pregnant. It's wonderful news, and I'm very excited, but I'm also, frankly, completely and utterly freaked out.
It wasn't an accident, although I'll freely admit that if it were up to me, we would have waited about another year. We've been married just a couple of months, and I would have been quite happy to enjoy being DINKs for a while longer (Double-Income No Kids for the uninitiated).
This blog is named with apologies to Armin Brott, whose book The Expectant Father is an excellent resource (a review of that book and a few others will probably be a future post). Books like his do a good job of isolating the experience of the expectant father and answering all manner of questions. What's going on with your partner? What's going on with the foetus? And what's going on with you, the dad-to-be? They validate all the feelings that men may experience through their partners' pregnancies, which really run the gamut from thrilled to scared *expletive deleted*-less.
And then, without exception, all these books tell you to shut the hell up. The story goes: you may experience these feelings, they are completely valid and normal, and your job now is to support your partner 110%, so keep any negativity or apprehensiveness to yourself. Consider yourself chauffeur for doctor's appointments and fetcher of ice cream.
Fair enough. I certainly don't want to be anything less than 110% supportive of my wife, who, for the purposes of this blog, we'll call Kate. Hence this blog: a place for me, other expecting parents who'd like to contribute, and interested readers to share their experiences and---anonymously---air those feelings that might be considered less than 100% positive.
It wasn't an accident, although I'll freely admit that if it were up to me, we would have waited about another year. We've been married just a couple of months, and I would have been quite happy to enjoy being DINKs for a while longer (Double-Income No Kids for the uninitiated).
This blog is named with apologies to Armin Brott, whose book The Expectant Father is an excellent resource (a review of that book and a few others will probably be a future post). Books like his do a good job of isolating the experience of the expectant father and answering all manner of questions. What's going on with your partner? What's going on with the foetus? And what's going on with you, the dad-to-be? They validate all the feelings that men may experience through their partners' pregnancies, which really run the gamut from thrilled to scared *expletive deleted*-less.
And then, without exception, all these books tell you to shut the hell up. The story goes: you may experience these feelings, they are completely valid and normal, and your job now is to support your partner 110%, so keep any negativity or apprehensiveness to yourself. Consider yourself chauffeur for doctor's appointments and fetcher of ice cream.
Fair enough. I certainly don't want to be anything less than 110% supportive of my wife, who, for the purposes of this blog, we'll call Kate. Hence this blog: a place for me, other expecting parents who'd like to contribute, and interested readers to share their experiences and---anonymously---air those feelings that might be considered less than 100% positive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
